I marvel at my power. I am an unstoppable force, crushing inner and outer obstacles with the aplomb of a samurai facing battle. For me, fear is a foe met and conquered. Behold some of the areas where I have mastered my fears:
Staying home alone. I do not hesitate when it comes to isolating in my apartment. I will watch one Netflix movie after the next with unshakable placidity. I don’t even fear watching movies I’ve seen many times before—I have seen both the Godfathers I and II at least 10 times each with the steadiest of nerves. Nor do I fear consuming foodstuffs purchased at Trader Joe’s while watching these movies. As unbelievable as it sounds, I can simultaneously eat tater-tots dipped in barbecue sauce while watching Lord of the Rings without a vestige of timidity.
Shutting down my emotions. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, but I have no fear of withholding how I feel. Whatever the situation may be, whether it’s expressing how I feel to my girlfriend, family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, I can shut down my emotions with lightening quickness. My mastery is such that I can stuff my emotions down until I’m virtually incapacitated. I can smother my needs, suppress how I honestly feel, even withhold my concern, with Herculean strength.
Not putting myself out for scrutiny. While many people have difficulty withholding their gifts and talents from the world, such is not my lot. I have years of experience withholding who I am. I have library’s worth of unread writing. I have fearlessly dodged scrutiny and judgment innumerable times. I know what you’re thinking: “How do find the strength to withhold all that? Where do you store all your undistributed gifts?” Frankly, I don’t know sometimes. Perhaps this fearlessness is just another one of the innate talents I keep to myself.
Surfing the web, emailing and text messaging. This one might sound the most improbable, but it’s true. I have nary a shred of fear wielding these electronic sabers. I can surf the web for hours, check Facebook links, scour the news, refresh my email inbox, and rattle off pithy texts on my phone, all without churning my stomach with fear. I suspect I could even approach a woman online if I didn’t have a girlfriend. That’s how little fear these things cause me.
Not asking for help. I can go years without addressing a need, stewing in pain and toil, never succumbing to the urge to ask for help. This is made more impressive when you consider that help is all around me much of the time. I seem to have been born with an indomitable pride that precludes me surrendering to even the most dire needs.
Wasting my precious life. This feat is almost beyond belief. I know this life is extremely fleeting. I have had people close to me die or undergo serious health issues. I know that this window I have here, with all physiological cylinders firing, is a very short. And yet I appear to no little fear squandering the hours of my days, stewing in resentment, asking for shit I don’t need, looking for my ego to be stroked, not loving those around me, not helping those in need, not sharing my gifts or engaging my world. My strength is beyond comprehension.
If you too want master your fears, I urge you to keep reading my blog. It may not be an overnight matter, but with time, determination and assiduous devotion to my instructions, you too can live as fearlessly as I do.