I was having a conversation with some friends about sex and the question was asked, “What do you like about sex?”
I answered that during sex, the division between who I am and who is “other” is broken down. By penetrating someone I am emotionally connected with, getting her permission to treat her body as my own, touching it in any way I choose, wherever I choose, the confines of identity are loosened. I am transported to a place where there is no self, no self-centeredness, leaving no one to injure, no one to have problems, no one to suffer. Only delight. And I like orgasms too. They feel good.
As I mentioned yesterday, I’m re-reading David Deida’s “The Way of the Superior Man.” The passage I read today is called, “Do it For Love,” where he outlines different ways a man can deal with women and the world:
There are two ways to deal with woman and world without compromising your true gifts or dribbling away the force of your deep being. One way is to renounce sexual intimacy and worldliness, totally dedicating yourself without distraction or compromise to the path you choose to pursue, free of the seemingly constant demands of woman and world.
The other way is to “fuck” both to smithereens, to ravish them with your love unsheathed, to give your true gifts despite the constant tussle of woman and world, to smelt your authentic gifts in this friction of opposition and surrender, to thrust love from the freedom of your deep being even as your body and mind die blissfully through a crucifixion of inevitable pleasure and pain, attraction and repulsion, gain and loss. No gifts left ungiven. No limit to the depth of being. Only openness, freedom, and love as the legacy of your intercourse with woman and world.
If we are to buy Deida’s conceit (and I do), we should examine and choose one of the two ways (note: this lesson is not strictly man-centered, though it is directed to people who identify primarily with their masculine energy). While the choice might seem obvious for most of us, there are some who lean toward the first way, i.e. the way of the renunciant. We are done (or wish to be done) with worldly stuff, with its junk, competition, struggles, pleasure and pain.
If this is your choice, choose it, commit to it. This does not mean you have to become a monk or a nun, nor does it mean you must abide in this place forever. It just means that you should honor that inclination and not pretend like the accumulation of worldly pleasures is your chief aim in life.
For the rest of us, fuck we must. Continue reading “Fuck Your Life”