Send Me Your Dating and Relationship Questions

In an effort to find out what people are reading and writing, I have feeds on several personal development blogs:  Zen Habits, The Minimaliststs, EV Bogue, Jonathan Fields, Jonathan Mead at Illuminated Mind and even Tim Ferriss.

These guys (yes, they’re all guys) speak on a variety of topics like goal setting, overcoming obstacles, being happier, health, fitness.  Some, like Leo Babauta of Zen Habits espouse simplicity.  Others, like Ferriss, espouse over-the-top living.

I’ve been trying to figure out where I fit in the personal development blogosphere.  Here are some places where I don’t fit:

  • Money.  I’m running low on the shit and can’t seem to generate more.
  • Career.  I’m asking my readers for jobs, which kind of blows my credibility there (got one?).
  • Diet.  A couple months ago I was vegan, now I’m eating meat three times a day—I wouldn’t dare take my readers through my dietary vicissitudes.
  • Fitness.  I work out regularly, but I’m hardly organized enough about it to share it in a systematized way.
  • Happiness.  Though quite happy, I don’t want the burden of being an expert on the matter.
  • Time management. Do you know how long it took me to write this post?

A couple weeks ago I wrote a series about dating and relationships.  They were my most popular posts to date.  So many of us struggle with these topics, and while I won’t claim mastery, I know a thing or two.  When I was single, I was able to meet women fairly easily.  Through past relationships, I acquired vast knowledge that prepped me for the great relationship I’m in now.

So I’m offering up my dating and relationship, um, expertise.  I would like to know what you’re dealing with—your situations, your questions, topics you’d like to see addressed.  More specifically, here are some things I can offer:

  • For women. I can offer a man’s-eye-view of your situation—whether you are seeking or are in a relationship.  Many women are pretty blind to some of the things they do when meeting men.  Same goes for relationships—you do things that set up lose-lose situations with your partners.  I believe I can cure your blindness…or at least get you some glasses.
  • For men.  For years, I unconsciously did things that destroyed my chances with women before I even met them.  I attracted either no one or the wrong one.  I also did things that consistently ruined my chances for being in or maintaining happy, healthy relationships.  I’ve come a long way and I’d love to share what I’ve learned.

Whether single, in a relationship, man or woman, gay or straight, please shoot me your questions or topic suggestions at df [at] davidfriedlander [dot] com.  All correspondences will be strictly anonymous.

Remember that your question might not only help you, but someone who is going through the same situation (the issues don’t vary that much).   I look forward to hearing from you.

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3 thoughts on “Send Me Your Dating and Relationship Questions”

  1. Dear David,

    I’ve been friends with this guy for about 7 years now, and we dated for awhile in high school. We go to the same college and we’ve been hanging out off and on and sometimes we make out or sleep together (no sex). Last month he texted me randomly after not talking for 6+months and asked me out to lunch. It went well and then I left to go hang out with some friends. He texted me later and asked me to hang out again. And we’ve been hanging out like once a week since then. The other day he came over and I gave him a blow job for the first time and then I had to leave for class. He told me to txt him and when I did he didn’t respond. His phone is kind of messed up/broken and he doesn’t receive txts and calls sometimes. I was waiting for him to text me back or to think, Hey this is weird she usually always texts me and my phone is broken, why don’t I text her?? But he didn’t… Does this mean he doesn’t really care about me? After a couple of days I called him and asked him why he hadn’t texted me back and he said that he never got them.. Do I have a right to be mad? We’re not together, but I was kind of having feelings for him..

  2. Hi David,
    ok, here goes…my girl and i have met on cruiseships, and weve immediately fell in love with eachother. Weve spent about 2 months on the ship together, and made plans to keep seeing eachother. She actually proposed to me after about 2 months! I am a serious guy and i said i dont want to go through divorce cause i think youre being too haisty, but since things between us were more than perfect, i had no doubts this is the woman i want to marry. So i stayed on the ship, she left home and started working in the mines(shes from Australia and im from Serbia). She wanted to do the mines cause that is a great opportunity to make and save a lot of money so we can have a better start one day when i come and we start living together. We were skyping and facebooking all day every day, after 2 more months i came to Australia when my contract with the ship finished and met her family, they are all amazing, and they all loved me, and were wery happy we are engaged. Then we made the paperwork ready and sent it to the embassy cause since im from Serbia, its not as easy to get married…takes time to approve our request. Then i went on another contract on the ship that leaves from Brisbane, to be closer to her and remain in as much contact as possible. She was still working in mines, and used to fly to Brisbane (800km) for a day too see me. Then she had some problems at work, and she decided to quit and get back home. It was the time of Christmas and she was also looking for a new job, preparing for the interview, meeting up with all the friends, getting bussines clothes and seeing her family so she was pretty busy, so she spent less time online with me. I missinterperted her being busy as something wrong is going on, and started asking questions, like whats wrong… she said nothing, and nothing and soon she became a little bit selfish and went on spending more time with her friends leaving me with only 10min a day, so i had a chat with her on skype, and we had a little argument, (and im so sorry about that) cause i simply missinterpreted her need for more space, for the lack of love towards me…(wish i can turn back time)…after that i seemed to pushed her further away from me and she became more and more distant, and even when she came for a cruise for 14 days with me she was sleeping all day and reading books all day being completely uninterested in me…i understand, it was a bad timing for us to be together, when she needed to stay away from me to cool her head, and in those 14 days we had few arguments…(again…so immature of me, but i had no idea whats going on and she couldnt explain it to me, she would be just…i love you but, i dont know why im like this) (SHE JUST NEEDED SPACE DAMN IT and me not reallising that sufficated her even more and pushed her away even more), now we came to an agreement that she needs time to get herself together with work and everything and space, and she has a lot of fears that we wont workout together…this is the message she wrote to me…:Hi babe, Sorry it has taken me a while to write. I just needed the words, and I probably don’t really still have them – but I will try…. I am sorry that I’ve made you feel and be all these things –or that I’ve confused you so much. Because undoubtably its me that is being this way.

    I hope you will be able to understand, and will not get hurt by this…. I have no idea why I am feeling the way I am feeling. I still love you – but something inside me is changing…. And I want to try so hard to not lose what I have for you.

    That is the reason I asked you for space – the reason, I needed that “time”. It seemed like on the ship, your reactions to it – it pushed me further away , the different things that happened (going through my comp etc), which in a way is so understandable but in another, it is just something that shouldn’t have to be done.

    And it just kind of sparked more things – or thoughts. It is scary I guess to feel the abselout centre of someones universe, for many reasons, one being that I am so independent. I made the mistake once before, with the Argentinian guy, he was needy, really, really, really, really needy, and I just couldn’t deal with that. You moving to Australia would be that on a much bigger scale because I am it. I am your everything. And for some reason, that kind of scares me.

    Truth is we will eventually fight, not everything will be roses, and its my fault that I thought so and lead you to believe so at the start. And when we fight, what will happen? How will our reactions be? That is what I think of when I say, we didn’t have that boyfriend/girlfriend phase to see how that all is.

    I love you don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I just need the space, to get my head right and focus on my life and getting my life sorted here. So many things change from ship to land – and I am adjusting to that.

    I know you love me so so so much, and I love you too… but I just ask for some time, some space… and I am hoping like I said to you on the ship – life will lead me in the correct directions, and at a life by your side.

    I want the best for you and for us. And I am not moving on or leaving you behind, I just need to breathe – everything happened so fast, so soon…..and now its kind of gone on this wrong direction…. I want us back, but I think I need to sort myself out to be able to do that.

    I replied with a really big email explaining that i understand her completely, but she should not have me in mind like a needy or clingy person that makes her a center of the universe cause im not like that. I was at those few weeks when i was feeling insecure, but im not in general. I mean, she wanted us to make a baby before! I said its to early and we need to get situated first, get the jobs sorted and all and then do it. She knows i want a baby, but we cant rush into this, its a serious thing, so i am a serious responsible person, not a needy guy. Also even before i met her and she knows that i and i also wrote that to her is that i wanted to move to Australia anyway, so its not cause of her, and that its not that shes the center of my universe, just a great coincidence cause shes from the same place i want to love in. ……now we have stopped communication and im giving her space, i just hope she wont poison her mind with recent bad events and give up on us on the first bump, i mean, i also wrote to her we deserve a chance and it would be stupid for us to give up without even trying…
    Please can you tell me what you think is the case here and what do you think i should do. I mean im deffinitely giving her space i dont even write anyting to her cause i know how resentful she is to me now and i hope time will heal her, but im still afraid, she might just give up on us…

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