mnmlist: Thought of the Week: Life Never Happens Later
“How would you live if you lived 100%?” This was a question I posed to myself in a dream last week. I woke up seconds later contemplating the question’s implications. What was I waiting for? When are you really going to invest in your dream of being a writer? When are you going to stop being a miser with your money? When are you going to tie up all the loose ends in your life? Do I think there’s a better time than now? Am I waiting for circumstances to improve? Don’t I know better than that? I got out of bed resolved to start living 100% then and there.
Before I started living 100%, I had to pee. After peeing, I had to meditate. Then I needed coffee and toast. I couldn’t very well live 100% without showering, flossing and brushing my teeth. By the time I had left the house and performed my automaton-like morning routine, my resolve to live 100% got knocked down to 68%. After a typical day of email correspondences, some writing, web-surfing, Facebook, eating, and other mundane tasks, resolve dipped into the upper 30’s. I will live life 100%, but later.
My post-dreaming-resolve reminded me of getting drunk. When I used to get drunk, flurries of ideas would would fill me with excitement. I was going to ride my motorcycle to Tierra Del Fuego, write a novel, form a harem. I got a mini-cassette recorder to keep track of all the awesome ideas. Because I was drunk and it was nighttime, I usually couldn’t do those things right then and there. But I knew as soon as I sobered up, I would get on my plans. Life was going to be great tomorrow. In the meantime, I figured the way to carpe my diem was to get totally sloshed, maybe capping it off with a couple slices of pizza at 3AM.
If you’ve ever been privy to this type of drunken euphoria, you know what happens to all those great ideas and high resolve to start living tomorrow. Nothing. All my resolve had to be redirected toward getting greasy eggs and hash-browns. The motorcycle trip would be postponed, the novel had to wait, the harem auditions would be rescheduled. And the great cache of brilliant ideas on the mini-cassette proved to be unintelligible ramblings.
Nowadays, I wear one of those lame silicone bracelets that reads, “Now is the time.” It’s a timepiece of sorts, because now is always the time. It’s the only time to live 100%. If I’m not living out my dreams now, if I’m not being my truth now, I’m not doing it. I’m deluding myself.
So this is my thought of the week: life never happens later. It’s not a new or brilliant thought, but it’s one that tends to get obscured by living on automatic or behind the high walls of rationalizations we erect in order to justify our fear. The question I put out for me and you is, what are we waiting for? What are we postponing for the right time? When will we start living 100%?
As always, feel free to email me at davidcfriedlander at gmail dot com if you need help with getting to now (email correspondences are kept confidential unless otherwise noted).